Saturday, December 31, 2011

Welcome 2012

I will be SO happy when tonight is over and tomorrow we start a new year!

I have never liked New Year's Eve -and always makes me very anxious...So tomorrow -January 1 2012- I will feel all the joy and happiness I should be feeling tonight.

Looking back into the millions of moments my memory holds, there is not one memorable New Year's Eve when I had lots of genuine and spontaneous fun.

Well...maybe I did one year, about 30 years ago, when I was still married to Orlando, and we had an impromptu party in my New York apartment --and the Cabrera Infantes came, and Nidia Rios, who had been 'the IT' model in Havana in 1958..and Rene Jordan and John...and Agustin Tamargo.. and my father and many others...A strange mix of people Guillermo,who has visiting NYC with Miriam, had wanted to invite...And suddenly we all started having fun, and talking, and remembering and laughing ...and out of the blue, my father even danced! First and last time I saw him dance! I remember it was fun and strange at the same time, because the guests sort of returned to Havana 1958. At least that is how Nidia Rios was feeling, in a red blouse, a little chubby but her face still stunning, as she cuddled up with Guillermo and Rene Jordan in my blue sofa. They seemed happy and enjoying this encounter, so many years and so many miles away from those Havana nights they loved and enjoyed. I was more of an observer, a 'voyeuse' of their trip back to the past. And it was amusing and fun in a 'sotto voce' way -- since I dont have fun with 'alaridos' or huge 'carcajadas' and find happiness in more subtle moments.

From that night on, New Year's Eve has been quiet. Mainly going up to my New York roof on the 20t floor, to see the Central Park fireworks --and maybe getting together with a small group of friends and family. Last year I even went to my roof all alone, since I was looking for absolute solitude. And then, the next day -on January 1st- my peace and tranquility was fully reinstated! Stress erased like magic. A big boulder lifted from my shoulders. Freedom again to live my life as I like: Private when I want it and Public when I want it.

Thus, I wish for 2012 lots of health and work and harmony for all those I love. This would be such a good thing! And I pray for it.I miss my parents so much this day and I wish I could hold my mother's hand if only for a few minutes again. I cannot let go of this desire, although I can still 'feel' my mother's fingers in mine. She is next to us today. Of course she is. Lovely Antonia, who would love to know we are expecting very soon a Miren Antonia in her honor.

PD The painting in the post is called "New York Cocktail Party" by Randy Stevens, and I bought it because it is exactly the way my apartment used to look during my parties. Even the man lying down in the sofa, just like my father loved to do!